somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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