So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
