dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just google imaged poop.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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