If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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