I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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