I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
