I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
