he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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