I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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