paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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