You just made me feel so damn special
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
