for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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