I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I still have a little drunk in my system
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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