Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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