as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
