she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
