its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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