I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
