Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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