you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just kidding.ย Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just showed my drunk fiancรฉ where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... ๐ฏ๐๐๐
Do I even want to know?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize