Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He felt like a one man threesome
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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