i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
