all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
