Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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