I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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