Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
