ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
