is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize