dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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