when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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