I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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