I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think I died a long time ago.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Randomize
