didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It's Friday. Sex?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
