my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
