Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
