i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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