I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
