I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize