oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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