i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
