it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
