Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
