Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
