reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize