is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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