wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
