her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize