I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
