first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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