Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
