He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
