I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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