Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
