My cat gives me a boner
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
