my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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