i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
