i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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