if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
