So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Dear god my vagina.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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