I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
