Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
