I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
