So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
