Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Shame is for Republicans.
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