dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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