where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
