Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
