my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
