and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
